So I feel that some background info will help enrich this interview a little bit. It all started out with a family of three (five if you include two pug dogs) leaving the military life and moving to a new state (yes, I’m talking about my own family). My husband decided after five years of service that it was time to start a new chapter in his book, which is obviously only part of the Twilight-sized saga this family has already written.

For my husband to really follow his heart as an entrepreneur, one extremely crucial dynamic of our family life would have to change: I would become the “breadwinner,” for lack of a better term, and he would get to work from home and simultaneously tag-in to his new roll in the “raising our tiny human” relay.

The following interview is completely unaltered, raw, and hopefully a helpful view into what society would call the ultimate roll reversal: (and THANK YOU to our subscribers and Friends for some great questions!)

Liv&Leen: “Once you knew this was happening…after I (your wife) officially got hired full time in a school, what were some initial thoughts?”

SAHD: “Honestly, I was just happy because I knew you would be less stressed out… so it would help me to be able to do what I was trying to do without having your stress on top off my stress…it would be freeing…but as far as actually being home with Olivia, I didn’t have any significant thoughts either way. I never thought Oh, I’m gonna be a stay at home dad now. I just knew it was going to happen eventually”

Liv&Leen: “How did your expectations of what your days would look like compare to what it actually looked like?”

SAHD: (laughs) “Um, I think it was pretty similar to what I expected, except I didn’t realize how lucky I was to be able to pawn her off on you when I needed to get things done…. I never realized how much attention she needed. I guess I used to think she was a lot more independent…and not that she’s not independent; she actually is a pretty independent kid…well…she is pretty clingy.  I guess I underestimated how much I would care about putting her in front of the TV or into the other room… it really bothered me to do that”

Liv&Leen: “So you thought you’d be able to have her do things like watch tv, go in her room and play, and you would just be able to work without interruption, but then you felt more guilt about it that you expected?”

SAHD “Yah, I think, I started trying to come up with things/activities for her to do…but she wouldn’t really do them by herself long enough. Putting her in front of the TV was the only thing that kept her occupied long enough to get some stuff done…but I hated doing that. So I started planning work tasks that I could do in smaller amounts of time… Basically, whatever I planned for her to do (like play dough etc.) I knew I would always eventually end up joining her…so I began planning my day in smaller increments of time between activities I set her up with”.”

Liv&Leen {from T.A.} “How does it compare to being away from her for hours a day and coming home to see her?”

SAHD: “It was so gradual though because I had 60 days of leave…but since the transition, I definitely feel like we connect more like we have the same jokes and personality… before it was just in the moment when I was home playing with her and that was it… We may not have the “highs” like before coming home to her…but it’s more consistent”

Liv&Leen: “So you feel like she isn’t as insanely excited to see you like when you’d come home from work, but now you have a deeper connection?”

SAHD: “Yah… I definitely know more about her. I feel like I really know her better”

Liv&Leen:“Are there things you envied about my and her relationship that you’ve begun to now experience with her?”

SAHD ” I guess it’s just the reverse… I felt like I used to have to try a lot harder to “get her on my side” or whatever… get those “high moments” but now it’s more natural… I guess before I was always jealous that she would go to you for EVERYTHING, but now there are things she comes to me for”

Liv&Leen: “Are there times she asks for her mommy when you’re home with her?”

SAHD: “Yah… when I don’t give her what she wants… or when she is hurt…or when she wants her hair done…I don’t do that”

Liv&Leen: “What’s it like for you when I come home and get a huge greeting or “highs” like you mentioned before?”

SAHD: “It’s good…because usually I’ve been coaching her to do that…and usually I’m relieved you’re home so I can work”

Liv&Leen: Can you elaborate on the “coaching” for the readers?

SAHD: “Because she went through a time period when she was mad at you for working all day… so she would be weird when you got home..which was a bad time for everybody…so I was telling her ‘give mommy a big hug because you missed her all day…it makes mommy sad when you run away from her'”

Liv&Leen: {From T.A.,L.V.,and T.C.} Let’s talk about going into public… what’s that like? How does the general public react to seeing you as her primary parent/caregiver and a Man?

SAHD: “I get a lot of smiles, but it is hard to tell if it’s just because she is so cute… we all get lots of smiles with her together…I guess I’ve also gotten some looks. I don’t really know how to interpret it … but like they are thinking ‘oh maybe the babysitter called in sick today’ I don’t really know how to explain it.. like I get sympathy or he is thinking ‘oh maybe mom was sick…’

Liv&Leen: “Oh like other Men give you looks?”

SAHD: “Yah, but the girls think it’s cute. I’ve been hit on a couple times”

Liv&Leen: (ha)

“Are there times you look at those other men or people and miss being out in the work force?

SAHD: “The ‘work force’…No…But I think I would like to have the ability to go out and meet people and do more business outside of the house and work more out of the house, but I can’t with her.  There are a lot of meet ups etc that I would love to be a part of, but most of the time they don’t align with her nap schedule so it’s hard”

Liv&Leen: {From S.O.} “Do you feel like you need “guy time” or equivalent of “girl talk/time” towards the end of each day when I get home like many moms would say they want?”

SAHD:Yah, I guess just even talking to an adult; but when we do, she just interrupts us the whole time anyway. Then when she goes to bed, I’m just too tired”

Liv&Leen: {From T.A} “Are there things you’ve found yourself doing that you never imagined?”

SAHD: “Um…daily princess tea parties I think fits into that category”

Liv&Lean: “Do you find yourself compensating for all the “girly” stuff by trying to get her to do things you like?

SAHD: ” Not really…I guess if I’d like her to play any sport… it would be Tennis…but I don’t try to make her play. I guess mostly with movies. I do it I get tired of the Princess movies, so I’m always downloading stuff like “Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, Charlie and Chocolate Factory, Bee Movie etc.”

Live&Leen: “Is there anything in particular you were excited to do differently than me when I was home with her?”

SAHD: “Probably to start teaching her to earn money…the importance of doing her part…doing her chores and earning some money to work towards something she wanted…teaching her that toys and stuff don’t just show up…they come from something”

Liv&Leen: “Is there one thing about Olivia’s upbringing or overall personality/values that you are really proud of and credit to your being home with her?”

SAHD: “Probably her constant fear that there is something ‘behind her ear’ (laughs)…but really that she now wakes up from nap, gets dressed, picks up all her books on the ground, puts them away, and turns off music and lights all on her own before coming out…(which was part of her chores too to earn her new princess doll).”

Liv&Leen: “Lastly, what is your favorite part of being home with her?”

SAHD: “Probably just that I feel so much more connected with her. I actually understand her so much more… moods that would come and go, at first I was like, “why is she acting like this? I don’t understand. I would just stare at her with a blank expression; whereas now I understand their driving force. I feel like I get her as a person.”

 

Hope you enjoyed hearing the Stay-at-home Dad’s perspective! we would LOVE to answer more questions if you’ll post them! Until then,

Liv&Leen

 

 

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